Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Scottish Nanny's Minimum Booze Price


My sympathies to the good people of Scotland, who are lumbered with Nanny's minimum pricing for alcohol.

This will not have any beneficial effect whatsoever, as people who drink 4 cans of beer for a £1 (Nanny's target) will stump up the new price of £4 for 4 and simply cut down on their other expenditure eg food, heating etc.

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Thursday, November 16, 2017

Nanny Would Prefer Dehydration, Rather Than Coke


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Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Merry Greggsmas - Jesus Becomes Sausage Roll


Oh dear, Greggs the bakers has managed to offend a few people with its Christmas Advent Calendar.

The baby Jesus in the crib has been replaced with a pork sausage roll, thus managing to offend Christians and Jews (Jesus was Jewish).

However, Metro noted that there were a flurry of pastry related puns, such as ‘Jesus Crust, our savoury’ and ‘Away in Pret A Manger’.

Hey ho, and we aren't even in December yet!

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Monday, November 13, 2017

Facts vs Ideology


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Tuesday, November 07, 2017

Kids Drinking Less - The End Of Civilisation As We Know It!

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Monday, November 06, 2017

Auntie Creates A Shit Show Out of Nothing - The Queen and The Paradise Papers


Auntie dragged herself down to new depths last night, by making her lead news item the fact that the Queen has £10M in an offshore vehicle of some sort or another.

Aside from the fact that in terms of this country's finances £10M is chicken feed, Auntie then went on to say that the Queen has in fact done nothing wrong and that as she is not legally required to pay tax she therefore cannot be accused of trying to avoid tax (which by the way is perfectly legal for rich and poor alike).

Are there really so few genuine issues, both domestically and globally, that Auntie is reduced to this form of shit show?

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Thursday, November 02, 2017

Auntie Wants To Ban Men


All of the women I know (be they friends or ex colleagues etc) would, were they on the receiving end of an unwanted advance, put the person firmly in his/her place either verbally or with a slap.

That would be the end of the matter.

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Friday, October 27, 2017

Scottish Nanny To Cap Portion Sizes


I am underwhelmed to read that Scottish Nanny is to stick her nose into the portions sizes served by restaurants, pubs and takeaways and set a limit.

As per the Telegraph:
"Supermarket price promotions on junk food are to be restricted and restaurant meal sizes could be capped under controversial plans unveiled by SNP ministers to tackle Scotland’s obesity epidemic.

A new Scottish Government diet and obesity strategy, published for consultation, said ministers are “minded” to clamp down on promotions on food that is high in fat, salt and sugar.

This could include a ban on multi-buy offers on products such as crisps and sweets, or shops temporarily discounting their price in order to increase sales.

Among the other controversial proposals are introducing portion limits on the size of takeaway, pub and restaurant meals. Food outlets would be forced to attach labels on menus and packaging disclosing how many calories their dishes contain."
Nanny can fark off, it is not her role to dictate how much or little we eat; neither is it her role to tell us we are fat!

The ‘state guardians’ assigned to each pre-school child under the SNP’s controversial Named Person scheme will “offer referrals to family healthy living and weight interventions” for those youngsters deemed to be too fat.
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Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Auntie Gives Some Much Needed Advice To Prospective Labour MPs



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Tuesday, October 24, 2017

The Joy of Cricket!


Source: MCC Museum Lords

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Monday, October 23, 2017

Aged Syphilitic Dictator's Fall From Grace


Well then I see that the aged, syphilitic, dictator Mugabe had something of an eventful weekend.

Appointed by WHO (the organisation that blames hot drinks for cancer) as their goodwill ambassador on Friday, only to be sacked on Sunday after howls of protest from around the world.

Quite how WHO makes their decisions is beyond me, but if they are as crap at health care as they are at appointing people then the world is well and truly farked!

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Thursday, October 19, 2017

Nanny Bans Fat People and Smokers From NHS


I see that Nanny's chums in the NHS Hertfordshire have decided that fat people and smokers do not warrant the same level of care that others receive.

The Telegraph reports that new rules, drawn up by clinical commissioning groups (CCGs) in Hertfordshire, say that obese patients “will not get non-urgent surgery until they reduce their weight” at all, unless the circumstances are exceptional.

The criteria also mean smokers will only be referred for operations if they have stopped smoking for at least eight weeks, with such patients breathalysed before referral.

East and North Hertfordshire CCG and  Herts Valleys said the plans aimed to encourage people “to take more responsibility for their own health and wellbeing, wherever possible, freeing up limited NHS resources for priority treatment”.

All very well and good, maybe. However, who is next on the list of second class citizens:

- people who eat "too much" fat, salt and sugar?
- people who drink?
- people who take drugs?
- people who don't follow Nanny's exercise programme?
- people who don't use protection during sex?

The list is endless!

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Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Camila Blames Cameron


In February 2016 I wrote:
"Loyal readers know that I have been less than impressed with the Kids Company, and the clowns that were allegedly "in charge" of that clusterfuck of an organisation.

I am pleased to see that the Commons Public Administration and Constitutional Affairs Committee (PACAC) have given that failed organisation, and its "leaders" a well deserved kicking.

Unsurprisingly the clown in chief, Camila Batmanghelidjh, denies everything and is quoted by the BBC saying that the report "is a product of bias and rumour".
"
It seems Camila is still in  denial!

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Monday, October 16, 2017

Ophelia - The Oncoming Damp Squid


I see that Nanny and the Meteorological Orifice, are becoming hysterical over the oncoming damp squid Ophelia.

Mindful that today is the 30th anniversary of the Great Storm, an event that the Met woefully under predicted, Nanny has gone into overdrive over Ophelia.

Pound to penny this turns out to be a damp squid!

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Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Raw Eggs Are Now Safe!



Those of you with long memories may well recall the furore in the 1980's over the risk of salmonella poisoning from eggs.

Ever since then, Nanny has frowned upon us eating runny eggs.

Now relief is at hand, Nanny's Food Standards Agency has now declared that runny eggs are safe:
"The Food Standards Agency has today announced a change to its advice about eating eggs - infants, children, pregnant women and elderly people can now safely eat raw or lightly cooked eggs that are produced under the British Lion Code of Practice.


The revised advice, based on the latest scientific evidence, means that people vulnerable to infection or who are likely to suffer serious symptoms from food poisoning (such as infants, children, pregnant women and  elderly people) can now safely eat raw or lightly cooked hen eggs or foods containing them.

We had previously advised that vulnerable groups should not consume raw or lightly cooked eggs, because eggs may contain salmonella bacteria which can cause serious illness."
I have to say I have been steadfastly ignoring Nanny's egg advice since the 1980's, and have never suffered from a dicky stomach as a result of eating runny yolks!

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Tuesday, October 10, 2017

The Dangers of Standing


Nanny has long hated the fact that we sit on our arses all day, she thinks we should be up moving around or at least standing around.

In fact she has managed to link prolonged periods of sitting to cancer, type 2 diabetes and speeding up ageing.

However, in an amusing twist, it appears that standing is also dangerous.


Those who stand up for prolonged periods of time are more susceptible to cardiovascular diseases, the study published in the American Journal of Epidemiology has found.

Well then, if we can't stand or sit shall we simply lie down in or coffins and be done with it?

I am sure Nanny would prefer that!

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Thursday, October 05, 2017

Nanny Hates Pesto


I see Nanny's chums from that interfering busybody group Consensus Action on Salt and Health have got their knickers in a twist again.

This time over the salt content of Pesto.

Seemingly CASH are of the view that Sacla's Italia Organic Vegetarian Pesto No 5 Basil and Italia Pesto No 1 Classic Basil now contain more salt per serving than a McDonald's hamburger.

It went on to say that said none of the sauces it checked, including some made by Sainsbury's and Tesco, could be described as healthy.

Sacla, quite rightly, said its products should be enjoyed as part of a balanced diet. In other words normal people are hardly likely yo be eating it by the bucketful.

I would make a few observations about what people should do:

- drink more water if you are worried about salt
- add sugar to counteract the salt
- complain to McDonald's that their hamburgers don't contain enough salt
- ask CASH what the hell is it to do with them what we eat?

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Wednesday, October 04, 2017

Don't Get Old - It's Shite!


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Tuesday, October 03, 2017

Bags For Life Become Bags For Death


In a hugely amusing piece of irony, Nanny has got her knickers in a twist over her environmentally friendly bags for life.

It seems that reusable “bags for life” can spread deadly food poisoning bacteria if they are used to carry raw foods such as fish and meat.

Nanny's Food Standards Agency (FSA) is recommending that shoppers use separate bags to carry raw foods, ready-to eat foods and non-food items such as household cleaners and washing powder.

Aha!

That will give the supermarkets a nice little earner!

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Thursday, September 28, 2017

Nanny Bans Sausage Rolls


My thanks to a loyal reader who has advised me that Nanny's school lunchbox Gestapo are now searching for forbidden sausage rolls.

The BBC reports that the new policy at Shirley Manor Primary Academy in Bradford states parents will be called if banned foods are found in packed lunches.

Steve Fryer, whose son's sausage roll was confiscated, said the school should "stick to teaching kids".

The policy says pupils are encouraged to show their packed lunches to staff before and after they have eaten.

It states pork pies, sausage rolls and pepperoni sticks should not be included and neither should fruit squash or flavoured water.

Not Nanny's business!

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Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Nanny Hates Rugby


I see that Nanny has decreed that tackling should be banned from school rugby, lest there be an injury.

That somewhat undermines the entire game!

Anyhoo, given that Nanny is so worried about injuries arising from contact, what about those sustained playing football, hockey, cricket etc?

Surely these sports need to be "tamed" by Nanny as well?

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Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Booze and Fags More Important Than Housing in 1950's



Good to see that people had their priorities right in the 1950's!

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Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Nanny To Ban Thought Crime Tweeters From Voting


As I have stated before, when Orwell wrote "1984" it was meant to be a warning, not a blue print!

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Monday, September 18, 2017

Euro Nanny Censors Freedom of Speech


Remember, it is a thought crime to criticise the EU and its ambitions for Continental domination!

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Friday, September 15, 2017

Don't Film Suspect Packages!


I appreciate that everyone now thinks that "if it moves, explodes, farts etc" then they should film it.

However, seriously, if you see a suspect package (pre or post explosion) report it and get out of the area calmly and quickly.

DO NOT APPROACH THE SUSPECT DEVICE TO FILM IT!


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Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Gender Neutral Shoes - Whither Clarks Commandos?


As per Clarks, as reported in the Mail:
"Clarks has a gender neutral ethos that anyone can choose any style they would like. Over the past few seasons, following customer feedback and market research, we have focused on creating more unisex shoes and we are looking at a number of elements of our business to promote this gender neutral ethos, both on our website and within our stores. 

As a large global company, it is not always possible to implement all the changes we want to make as quickly as we would like. However, we are looking to move as fast as we can to ensure this ethos is reflected throughout our brand.

Today we have more unisex styles in our range than ever before. This means we now have a wider range of closed-in styles, school boots and GORE-TEX® styles and these changes will continue in our Spring Summer 2018 range, which has been designed with an entirely unisex approach."
I am so old I remember Clarks Commandos and the commando handbook.

Oh, and in those days health and safety be buggered you could get your feet x-rayed in their shops too!

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Monday, September 11, 2017

Charles J. Sykes Nails It


Bill Gates didn't do the list, Charles J. Sykes (author of the 1996 book Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can’t Read, Write, Or Add) is in fact the author.

Hat tip to SkidRowLunchClub for point this out:



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Friday, September 08, 2017

Prat of The Week - James Cracknell

Somewhat belatedly I would like to award James Cracknell my Prat of The Week Award.

Who is James Cracknell?

Apparently he is an athlete turned anti-obesity campaigner.

For why does he deserve the award?

According to The Spectator, Cracknell said in April that North Korea and Cuba had got a ‘handle on obesity’ (ie their hapless citizens - with a few notable exceptions - aren't fat).

Cracknell, by all accounts thinks that is splendid, and is all for Nanny adopting those countries' methods and techniques which he attributed to both countries being ‘quite controlling on behavioural trends’.

There you have it folks, Nanny's chums want Nanny to impose dietary dictatorship.

James Cracknell, well deserving Prat of The Week!

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Thursday, September 07, 2017

Welby Bleats, Yet The Church Doesn't Pay Tax!


I see that the Archbishop of Canterbury is bleating about the economy.

As per Sky News seemingly Britain's economic model is "broken" and the nation is at a "watershed moment", the Archbishop of Canterbury has warned as Britons face the longest period of stalling wage growth for 150 years.

The Rt Rev Justin Welby said "fundamental reform" on the scale of the 1940s and 1980s is required in a report.
"Our economic model is broken. Britain stands at a watershed moment where we need to make fundamental choices about the sort of economy we need.

We are failing those who will grow up into a world where the gap between the richest and poorest parts of the country is significant and destabilising.
This is, therefore, the moment for new, radical policy options to be debated."
Here's a radical policy suggestion, make the Church of England pay tax!


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Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Don't Slouch - Posture Is Paramount!


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Monday, September 04, 2017

Bread and Circuses - A Royal Baby



Things are clearly going to become pretty awful, hence the joy of a Royal birth to distract us all!


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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Prison Smoking Ban Produces Inevitable Result!



Nanny really is a naive old crone, if she seriously thought that banning smoking in prisons would lead to anything positive.

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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Meanwhile In Australia..


The Independent reports that an Australian activist with a doctorate in early childhood studies, Dr Red Ruby Scarlet, is calling for Father’s Day to be renamed ‘Special Person’s Day’ so that children without dads don’t feel left out or upset by their situation.

Appearing on Today Tonight, the university academic explained that shifting the language around events like Father’s Day will help instil a better sense of belonging.

All very well and nice, but what about Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Christmas Day, Easter etc etc?

A better solution would be the banning of the sales of cards and other useless merchandise, designed to push people into wasting money, on these days.

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Tuesday, August 29, 2017

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????????


MPs have been urged to launch an inquiry into the placement of foster children after a white Christian girl was reportedly put into the care of a non-English speaking Muslim family.

The child, aged five, who speaks English as her first language, has been looked after by two different Muslim households in the past six months.

The girl was reportedly told to remove her Christian crucifix necklace and was not allowed to eat carbonara because it contained bacon.

She was allegedly encouraged to learn Arabic in one household and was begging not to go back there because "they don't speak English", according to a confidential report from the local authority seen by the Times newspaper.

Source Telegraph

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Thursday, August 24, 2017

Nanny Seems To Be Overreacting These Days!


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Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Nanny Has Major Sense of Humour Failure


Oh dear Nanny really has a had a major sense of humour failure wrt funds raised for Shropshire Community Health NHS Trust.

It seems that because the funds were raised by men dressed as nurses, the hospital has turned down a donation.

For why?

Nanny believes that their behaviour was "highly-sexualised" and "demeaning".

The Telegraph reports that the men raised £2,500 in the event in Ludlow, Shropshire, which sees them dress up as female nurses and take to the streets with collection buckets.

The fundraising drive for Shropshire Community Health NHS Trust has been taking place without complaint for 30 years, raising around £90,000 in total.

However, Jan Ditheridge, chief executive of the trust, said she is not comfortable with how the event portrays medical staff and refused the donation.

In a letter to the Ludlow Hospital League of Friends, Ms Ditheridge and chair of the trust Mike Ridley, said:
"The presentation of men dressed as female nurse sin a highly-sexualised and demeaning way is wrong, very outdated and insulting to the profession."
Peter Corfield, chairman of the League of Friends of Ludlow Hospital, described the refusal of the cash as "absolutely ridiculous."

He added:
"The event has always run with the full knowledge and support of the hospital and primary care trust management with participation by NHS staff.

The whole thing is a light-hearted fundraiser which has raised between £2,500 and £6,500 each year and so over that period of time it's a very tidy sum."
Ms Ditheridge, chief executive of the trust said:
"It isn't okay to portray healthcare professionals in this way.

We have previously asked that this doesn't happen and therefore don't think it's right to accept any money associated with this activity.

I'm sure the event was organised with the best intentions and we are sorry if it's made people feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Many people kindly and selflessly raise money for our organisation, and especially for our hospitals. We are eternally grateful for that."
Dear oh dear :(
 
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Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Pointless!


Can anyone tell me what on earth is the point of living like this?

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Monday, August 21, 2017

Bong!


Oh dear, it seems that the decision to silence Big Ben for four years is down to good old health and safety.

Odd that this has never been a problem before.

Health and safety has managed what the Luftwaffe couldn't!

I would note though, that our "respected" MP's should have known about this when they approved the works order.

Anyhoo, what with the silencing of the bongs, the extinguishing of the lamp on top of Big Ben and tonight's partial eclipse I am wary of a major black swan event coming!

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